L3 slip up at Basildon
By HRH Holly Marven
Before I start, Krelle this is something I think you should consider. I’ve enquired and if you bulk buy you can get a hefty discount.
Now, this is a story all about how
we went to big ol’ Baz Vegas town,
And I’d like to take a minute
Just sit right there,
I’ll tell why we wanted to throttle (an unnamed person) with a chair..
I’m not even sure Izzy ‘the bar hooker, sorry booker’ even made it to the game, or was still wandering the streets of London trying to find somewhere not under refurbishment. When we got the pitch, there was a large red border around the outside, why is this important I hear you ask? Perhaps it was the fact that Henny’s eyes blended in with these parts of the pitch, after she third wheeled her brother and girlfriend until 5am…awks.
Both sides started strong, moving the ball around with ease. The press was working well, and all they seemed to want to do is whack it as hard as they could up the pitch, which was rather brutish, hey BBT? HRH came down off the steed and with the first touch of the ball (literally) got round one of their brutes only to be pulled up and given a green card. What the hell. The ref was probably Australian because we know how they like to cheat…
Unfortunately, Baz (who seemed to have an average height of 6ft1 – did anyone else notice that).. took an early lead from a short corner which shouldn’t have been a short corner, you’ll notice a pattern here. Wapping responded quickly however, thank goodness tap-in mctaptap turned up to the game and yep, she tapped one in, 1-1.
During the game, Mctaptap announced her underlying love for Shalls and exclaimed that she wanted to come in / enter her... not sure what was going on here. Apparently as Mctaptap ‘tried to explain’, she only ended up wanting to go deeper.
After Baz donned their football boots, they were awarded another short corner and managed to score from that too, 2-1. For the last 15 minutes the defence were holding strong, under a lot of pressure at the back, their composure rubbing off on the mids who were doing an excellent job feeding the ball through and finding width.
The ball was relentlessly being put into the attacking D, but nothing seemed to fall to the feet of a Wapping player. One of the best opportunities was from Babs, with what can only be described as NY Yankee-esque baseball swinging at head height, smashing the ball across the posts, only to hit her fellow teammate HRH, thank goodness for the royal chainmail, but unfortunately the goal was disallowed as you can't shoulder it in.
MOM – Krelle, even though she only played 2 minutes, they were a great 2 minutes.
DOD – HRH, still have absolutely no idea why