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Ladies 3rd Team - Match centre

Wapping 3
Sat 20 Jan 16:00 - Essex Women's Hockey League - Premier Division Full time

L3 run out 5-1 winners at LV

Goals for everyone!

After a gruelling 1-0 win against the mighty Thurrock before Christmas, the pre-game nerves were at a high. Arriving in the rain and snow and storm and tornado and earthquake, we put on our cagoules, braved the conditions and here’s how it went:

I personally knew we’d won the game from about 3 minutes in when 2 of the opposition clashed heads (I can confirm both are alive and well). I just knew their heads weren’t in it from that moment on (sorry I had to).

The first goal came very soon into the first half, which can only be described as a simple tap in from The Mighty Phoenix which, from the sideline, I perceived as an own goal. Did Babelicious Babs claim it as her own in the hope of receiving MoM? To be continued.

This week we welcomed Skillful Skinner to come and skin a few Thurrock scalps. Having quite literally creamed 5 players from one end of the pitch to the other (with a little help down the left from our favourite kind of STD), Skillful Skinner took a beautiful swing and smashed the ball into the backboard – 2-0 to the Wapping Worldies.

As we all know, our back line is incredibly strong - with Really-Raging Roche, Sass-Queen Sandy, Banter-bus Becky and Godlike Gandalf, no one was getting through to Vicious Vicky in goal. However, due to some questionable short corner decisions, leaving Babelicious Babs screaming Italian profanities and Raging Roche yelping “AARRR YEEEHH YOU HAVING A LAUGH HAR HAR HAR”, our Busty Backline were faced with several challenging moments and a goal from the oppo slipped through, but we won’t waste time talking about that.

Us Worldies swiftly made up for it and with a ridiculously fast run from the rascal that is Rudeone, the Ferocious Forwards managed to gain an attacking short. Now, not only have we not seen many goals from Her Royal Highness this season, we didn’t hear much great chat come from her either (standard). Alas, she regained some kind of respect by swooping the now-much-brighter-shade-of pink ball into the goal. 3-1 to the Worldies.

(I must quickly add, we are still well within the first half of the game.)

With some quite incredible one-handed skills from new-recruit Party Pasc, All-Hail-Holtie was next to score after fighting her way down the right wing and leaving Thurrock behind. 4-1 to the Worldies.

The next goal came from the one and only isit-isit-wicked-Iz, who never fails to score a nice pink ball. Despite Bootylicious BJ making an exquisite run and screaming for the ball down the BAAAASSSSLINE, Iz took it upon herself to do the goalie and get the nice umpire’s ball inserted into the target. 5-1 to the Worldies.

Ok now for the second half. In short, Move-Over-I’m-getting-married Marv got royally done by a Thurrock player and was left lying on the floor. Card for the oppo. Has-anyone-seen-Henny(?) Henny managed to make a sublime save from a defensive short, however completely and utterly ruined the heroic moment by running the ball half way up the pitch with mask still very much on. Oops!

To conclude, no goals were scored in the second half HOWEVER, we left with a 5 - 1 win to the Wapping Worldies.

“Does that mean you’re still top of the table?” I hear you say. “Yes, yes we are, thank you for noticing you kind soul.”

PS. This DoD vote was a blatant conspiracy and I miss Bella.
PPS. Babelicious Babs admitted to me in training on Monday night that she did infact claim an own goal as hers... Make of that what you will. I can also confirm she did not receive MoM, but Skillful Skinner and Rascal Rudeboy rightfully stole it from her.

Book your OPRO mouth guard day!

Team selection

Team selection has not been published for this fixture yet.

League round up

Other Premier Division results

Basildon 2
Chelmsford 3
Colchester 3
Upminster 2


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League table

# Team Pl Pts
1. Wapping 3 17 44
2. Crostyx 2 14 27
3. Southend 2 4
4. Basildon 2 2 4
5. Upminster 2 3 3
6. Wapping 4 4 3
7. Witham 4 3

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