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Ladies 3rd Team - Match centre

Wapping 3
Colchester 3
Sat 24 Mar 12:30 - Essex Women's Hockey League - Premier Division Full time

It's aaaaaaallll gravy for L3

By Big Northern Jess

#Northerngirlslovegravy

Auyup,

Sa afta beast fra t' east 2.0, (these sahtherner’s wouldn’t survi' up north). t' wappin worldies wor ready ta beast Colchester…

it wasn’t eur particularly early start, bur ah forgot uz socks sa wor runnin aroun' li' eur blue arse fly, getten ta JO 15 mins late 'n couldn’t finn' uz team anywheear, changin roam 1, neya 'un i', changin roam 2, neya 'un i', scrambled up t' steep embankment ta see if thee wor warmin up wiyaa' uz, still not theear, clegged it teur t' indoor changin rooms, neya 'un theear, panic sets, are we a' LV, fookin 'ell! suddenly ah 'ear 'em, 'ecklin t' oppoa o' t' L5’s like' t' profesh bunch thee are. ah 'eard 'a' 2 antwacky’s wor alsoa late, despi' bein a' JO 'ours, apparently gerrin 'un o' those fanceh coffees Italians love 'n walkin particularly slowly teur t' pitch (sandy ah thowt theur knew by naw walkin is just puttin 'un foot i' front o' tutheur?!)

anyway, afta eur particularly euro-trash warm up, t' whistle went, Wappin seemed ta not av 'eard it 'n wor sla ta start, meight be ta doa wi' t' few antwacky’s wi've int' team. um gran' play thru t' mid’s 'enny, Shalls, Duds 'n 'oltie saw Pasc en' up wi' t' ball, reet a' t' top o' t' d fert perfect shot….'uge swin anddddddddddd…. 'uge miss (Pasc - Marven can recommen' um golf drivin ranges).

Colchesta 'ed eur couple o' breyts, bur t’ solid back line defence consistin o' skippa roche, sandy, becky, gandalf 'n krelle (whoa turned up afta avin eur feight wi' eur kerb yet 'Olly Marvin couldn’t mek it 'cos shi 'ed t' rugby 8 'ours later) wor unpassable 'n sent t' ball back teur t' top o' t' pitch, wi' babs 'n issy makin um lush play 'n issy findin t' back o' t' goal, 1-0! Afta 'a' t' goals kept comin, eur perfectly timed pass fra sandy ta uz for eur babs special tap i', 2-0… ah think babs gorreur bit jealous a' dis point, as 'a shoe flew off 'a foot, shi lata blamed t' silky new socks, bur i’m not sa sure ah think it could av bin an italian tantrum 'n ah swear ah 'eard t' words dee die die… um mooar champagne 'ockey saw shalls dri' t' baaaassssssseeeeeline, slipped it across t' p spot for babs ta doa eur reeight unusual sweep 'n lift it o'a t' keepa 'n intoa t' goal, 3-0! apparently, shi getten complimented on dis by t' goal keepa 'n an umpire, bur neya 'un else 'eard.

half tahhm 3-0.

the start o' t' secon' 'alf saw um o' t' brow-lovin colchesta gurls giv’ uz defence eur feight, 'un takin antwacky sandy art, ah genuinely feared shi meight not gerr up, bur la 'n behowd shi wor back int' d defendin a' least 5 minutes lata. Wappin kept pressin colchester’s defence 'n it wor 'oltie dis tahhm whoa fahn' t' back o' t' goal, 4-0. anotha 2 goals fra uz, wi' 'appen eur bit o' screamin 'n rollin aroun' ont' floor in-between. wappin still 'ungry for mooar goals won eur shoarts corna, up cem cool-as-a-cucumber-becky, tuk t' stri' 'n scored! although, t' celebration wor summa' else, ah thowt we’d won t' league, calm daahn love. wappin still pressin colchester’s defence saw uz win anotha shoarts corna 'n becky stepped up agin, dribblin t' ball basically across t' line (i’m 'appy ta seh shi reined it i' for dis celebration).

anyway, enuff o' dis, t' worldies smashed it 8-0 'n naw fert meeam event, TEAS. ah av bin playin' a' wappin naw for nearly 4 years, 'n i' orl those years ah av nivva 'ed gravy for teas. Saturday 24th march, will foreva be uz favouri' 'ockey day, we getten sausages (sandy wor alsoa particularly 'appy), mash 'n eur 'uge gravy jug. ah flooded uz sausage 'n mash wi' gravy, bur it still wasn’t enuff. afta bein voted ma 'n dod (for basically t' sem reason) ah relished int' challenge ta daahn eur jar o' gravy… it wor uz quickest jar ivva, need assez mooar?!

mom: bj for scorin eur t'a' trick 'n bein dead grand

dod: bj for rollin abaht i' front o' goal tryin ta scooar, bein eur drameur queen (you can’t doa ewt reet!)

English version below for those who can’t read!

So after beast from the east 2.0, (these southerner’s wouldn’t survive up north). The Wapping Worldies were ready to beast Colchester…
It wasn’t a particularly early start, but I forgot my socks so was running around like a blue arse fly, got to JO 15 mins late and couldn’t find my team anywhere, changing room 1, no one in, changing room 2, no one in, scrambled up the steep embankment to see if they were warming up without me, still not there, ran to the indoor changing rooms, no one there, panic sets, are we at LV, fooking hell! Suddenly I hear them, heckling the oppo of the L5s like the profesh bunch they are. I heard that our 2 antwacky’s were also late, despite being at JO hours before the game, apparently getting one of those fancy coffees Italians love and walking particularly slowly to the pitch (Sandy I thought you knew by now walking is just putting one foot in front of the other?!)

Anyway, after a particularly euro-trash warm up, the whistle went, Wapping seemed to not have heard it and were quite slow to start, might be to do with the few antwacky’s we have in the team. Some nice play through the mid’s Henny, Shalls, Duds and Holtie saw Pasc end up with the ball, right at the top of the D for the perfect shot….huge swing anddddddddddd…. huge miss (Pasc - Marven can recommend some good golf driving ranges).

Colchester had a couple of breaks, but our solid back line defence consisting of Skipper Roche, Sandy, Becky, Gandalf and Krelle (who turned up after having a fight with a kerb yet HRH couldn’t make it because she had the rugby 8 hours later) were unpassable and sent the ball back to the top of the pitch, with Babs and Issy making some lovely play and Issy finding the back of the goal, 1-0! After that the goals kept coming, a perfectly timed pass from Sandy to me for a Babs special tap in, 2-0… I think Babs got a bit jealous at this point, as her shoe flew off her foot, she later blamed the silky new socks, but I’m not so sure I think it could have been an Italian tantrum and I swear I heard the words die die die… Some more champagne hockey saw Shalls drive the baaaassssssseeeeeline, slipped it across the P spot for Babs to do a very unusual sweep and lift it over the keeper and into the goal, 3-0! Apparently, she got complimented on this by the goal keeper and an umpire, but no one else heard.

Half time 3-0.

The start of the second half saw some of the brow-loving Colchester girls give our defence a fight, one taking antwacky Sandy out, I genuinely feared she might not get up, but low and behold she was back in the D defending at least 5 minutes later. Wapping kept pressing Colchester’s defence and it was Holtie this time who found the back of the goal, 4-0. Another 2 goals from me, with maybe a bit of screaming and rolling around on the floor in-between. Wapping still hungry for more goals won a short corner, up came cool-as-a-cucumber-Becky, took the strike and scored! Although, the celebration was something else, I thought we’d won the league, calm down love. Wapping still pressing Colchester’s defence saw us win another short corner and Becky stepped up again, dribbling the ball basically across the line (I’m happy to say she reined it in for this celebration).

Anyway, enough of this, the Worldies smashed it 8-0 and now for the main event, TEAS. I have been playing at Wapping now for nearly 4 years, and in all those years I have NEVER had gravy for teas. Saturday 24th March, will forever be my favourite hockey day, we got sausages (Sandy was also particularly happy), mash and a huge gravy jug. I flooded my sausage and mash with gravy, but it still wasn’t enough. After being voted MoM and DoD (for basically the same reason) I relished in the challenge to down a pint of gravy… It was my quickest pint ever, need I say more?!

MoM: BJ for scoring a hat trick and being dead good

DoD: BJ for rolling about in front of goal trying to score, being a drama queen (you can’t do anything right!)

Which club gets your vote? Voting opens in Jewson Building Better Communities

Team selection

Team selection has not been published for this fixture yet.

League round up

Other Premier Division results

Basildon 2
Upminster 2
Southend
Chelmsford 3
Thurrock
Braintree

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League table

# Team Pl Pts
1. Wapping 3 17 44
2. Crostyx 2 14 27
3. Southend 2 4
4. Basildon 2 2 4
5. Upminster 2 3 3
6. Wapping 4 4 3
7. Witham 4 3

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